#1240.

Hello all! Here's one entry before the start of my 10-day exam period. Haven't been the most productive during the past week. But then again, how do you define most productive? Anyway, I'm already jotting down a whole list of stuff to do during the holidays. It's gonna be my favourite month very soon! What's not to like? Cool weather with lots of rain, no school, tons of catch-ups and htht with my loves, baking and cooking, playing photoshop, Christmas, my birthday, and everybody being nice, warm, and fuzzy.


People whose papers end before mine, I don't like you! And that includes my boyf. Chicken banana he's ending 4 days before me. Grrrr.


P/s. my last paper is on 30th Nov so the next time I blog, it'd be D-e-c-e-m-b-e-r baby! :D

#1239.

That's it. Friday marked my last day at NUS. It's so abrupt. Like I wasn't even counting down to it or anything.


It was so random and sudden. Ok fine, not really sudden. In fact I've been thinking about it since day one. But now that it's here, I think I might miss this place. It always happens, doesn't it?


Honestly, if not for Dennis and Yushu, I would probably be happy as a lark on my last day. Maybe what I miss is the food them.


Not in the right state of mind to blog a proper entry cos I have been mugging for two whole days, and feeling kinda brain-fried. I do have a lot to say about school though. Guess I would do a separate entry to summarise my days in NUS. After exams, of course.


Good luck to all! Mug hard (;


P/s. I feel very bad whenever boyf talks to me about super chim philosophical stuff because I get irritated and starts barking at him ): I really wished I could be more engaging but how do I? It was an interesting topic on teleportation but way beyond my comprehension. Urgh.


P/p/s. Haven't got time to do up a wishlist yet. Will get to it the moment I'm done with exams. So exciting! Heehee.

#1238.

I feel so silly and stupid, I wanna slap myself.


If you have been following my tumblr (here), you would probably know that about a month ago, I got really depressed and paranoid about a girl. She's just an ordinary girl but because of certain incidents (read everything from my tumblr if you wanna 'cause I'm really lazy to repeat), I got really upset. In fact, I got so irrational that I thought I was gonna die. It was hurting me so badly inside, and there was no one to hear me out. It was the first time since mum's passing that I felt I really needed her. I needed someone to hold me and tell me everything's alright. Someone to comfort me and wipe my tears.


So anyway, emo stuff aside, my point of this entry is that my stupid emotional self acted up today again. I was expecting to see her, and have prepared to smile when I do so. Yet, when I really saw her, my heart frowned. To tell the truth, I even cringe at the mention of her name.


It. Is. That. Bad.


Now I know I should be more magnanimous but I can't help it. I do trust my boyf 101% but I cannot stand the thought/idea of them being together. Be it doing project or whatsoever.


I know right. I'm a stupid, selfish, possessive bitch.


That's why I'm trying to change.


A leopard can never change its spots. So I can never shake away the possessive nature in me. But I can learn. And I think I'm doing quite well!


See, today I knew what to do. Instead of sinking into a depressive mood, I tweeted that I needed to talk to someone. I know deep down inside I just need reassurance. I just needed to talk to someone, to vent my irrational frustrations, to knock some sense into me.


When nobody replied within 5 minutes, I BBM-ed Meh and called Yushu (almost simultaneously). Cos I knew she was most probably at home. And I'm so so so thankful to hear her voice. Even though she might not have the most perfect advice, her words were enough to comfort me. Shortly after, Meh called. And then tweet replies starting coming in.


It was then, that I realised how much my friends mean to me. Close friends know that I'm not on very good terms with my dad. We're not quarrelling, just not seeing eye to eye. The only person I regard as my family is my bro (whom I love dearly). But he's (in China) away on exchange so not exactly wise for me to call him. In times like these, I can only rely on my friends. And seriously, their simple gestures make me wanna cry. I feel so loved. So happy that my friends are actually willing to lend a listening ear, a helping hand, when I'm in need.


I love you my dear friends. You all know who you are. And I'm so grateful to have you in my life. You know that you can count on me too (:

#1237.

Wow. Second surprise visit from the boyf today and it was so awkward. Previously when he popped by, it was already 8-ish, so dad was in his room doing his stuff and it was ok. I mean, he didn't really say anything. And boyf was having his tapow-ed dinner in the kitchen. And later we sat on the sofa discussing his project and other random stuff.


Today when he came over, my dad was in the process of preparing dinner. And boyf's bag had to be drenched in barley water cos the plastic bag leaked ._.


This boy's so dumb. Where got people put tapao-ed beverage in their bag one?! Hahaha.


So we spent some time in the kitchen trying to clean up the mess. And I think my dad was kinda awkward with the 3 of us in the kitchen at the same time. So I quickly shoo-ed the boyf into my bedroom. And it was a really really wrong move.


Firstly, my dad was 'shocked' by boyf's sudden appearance and he daren't continue cooking because he didn't prepare boyf's share. Even after I told him that Dennis wasn't hungry and had already settled his dinner, dad was still at a loss and went back into his room.


It was already 7-ish and usually by that time, dinner would be ready. But dad was still in his room watching tv!!!?


I sensed something was amiss and went to ask him to cook dinner. And that we could eat while Dennis do his stuff.


It was so super awkward because dad gave me that "why your friend come without warning" look. And mumbled abit before cooking dinner.


While we were eating, I really felt like shit. Cos dad started nagging about all the stupid things like I'm not supposed to let a guy into my room (even though we left the room opened). And I cannot imagine dad not even asking boyf to join us for dinner or something?! True, there may not be enough (food), but he could at least ask, no?


I felt so bad.


Really wanted to dig a hole and hide inside, and never come out for ever.


Secondly, dad doesn't acknowledge him as my boyf. And couldn't figure out he was there. Previously he came to visit me cos I was ill. But today was just so random and out of the blue. I told dad we were doing something for his sister's birthday. And the reply I got was "next time wanna do things can do in the living room".


Seriously -_______-


I know many of you would probably think that I should just tell my dad off. Not in a bad, disrespectful way. But at least point out to him that his thinking is way too conservative and old. But I can't, I just can't.


So I guess I just have to suck it up and live with it.


If I don't wanna do something about it, then I jolly well stop complaining right?

#1236.

Three eventful days just went past and I haven't had time to sit and blog. I get out of the house early in the morning and return home feeling so exhausted that I just collapsed on my bed.


On Tuesday, boyf, Yushu & I went to help Kathy with her experiment set up. She even got her family down to school to help. It was such a big scale project that she wouldn't be able to do it by herself. So glad we could lend a helping hand.


We finally got the chance to meet her most hated PhD 'mentor'. And seriously, he's such a pain in the ass! I wouldn't have said this if not for the fact that he was belittling me. I was so upset can! He was treating me like an idiot and giving me that 'you're so stupid' look all the time!


Angry stuff aside, big scale projects are always met with setbacks. But being the ever-motivational friends we are, we were always there to help her out. On day 1, just as we were nearing the end of the day, we realised there was no power supply on the rooftop. Or rather, the powerpoint in the 'shed' was faulty. So we called up the school Estates Department and they promised to get it fixed the next day.


On day 2, power supply was up and running and we were all happy. When suddenly, Yushu said "hey, look, the tank is leaking!" All heads turned to the last tank, and indeed, water was seeping out. We immediately stopped what we were doing and went to inspect. Carried the tank to the laboratory and tried to get some help but the technician was also clueless. Boyf found a glue gun in the 'shed' and tried to seal the edges but to no avail. The sky was getting dark and there was nothing much we could do. So we went for dinner while Kathy decided to ask her dad for help.


Here are some pictures from my Twitter.

Reminds me of D&T all over again.

Experiment setup location.

Kathy's bro & boyf.
Each of these slabs weigh more than me.

Amazing weather station.

Kathy, boyf, Sabby hard at work.

Yushu helping to da3 guang1. So lame! But so funny!
Sunset on the rooftop.

I made wire names for them.

My baby and I.

And today's just The day for me. Woke up to red blotches all around my arms, legs, and face. The swelling got so bad I couldn't fully open my left eye! ): initially I thought it was insect bites cos they we're red and itchy. But on second thoughts, I doubt insects would bit my eye. And I didn't even feel anything crawling on my face the whole night!


So I went to see the doctor and he diagnosed it as hives - which is a skin allergy. I've had eczema since I was in primary school. So I sort of have sensitive skin, and swellings could be triggered by anything. Be it dust, dirt, stress, food I eat, etc. The doctor put me on steroids for 3 days and hopefully, the itch and swelling will go away soon!


Went to wiki on hives and here's what I found. It is a kind of "skin rash notable for pale red, raised, itchy bumps. Hives is frequently caused by allergic reactions; however, there are many non-allergic causes. The majority of patients with chronic hives have an unknown (idiopathic) cause."


"Less common causes of hives include friction, pressure, temperature extremes, exercise, and sunlight. Wheals (raised areas surrounded by a red base) can appear anywhere on the surface of the skin. They may be pinpoint in size, or several inches in diameter."


So there. Who wants to see a freaky me?




[Edit]
My boyf is so sweet to drop me a visit this evening! I was rather apprehensive about letting him in 'cause my dad is still not very supportive of this relationship. But he was ok when boyf came. I guess he just acknowledge boyf as 'my friend'. Good enough for me (: these things take time.


Thank you dear. Little things mean so much. And tonight will be penned down in my little red journal as one of the best nights of my life. I love you!

#1235.

This is such a traumatising day because I bumped into the boyf's ex-girlf otw to school.


The boyf and I were at Clementi this morning, making our way to school when I told him I wanted to use the escalator/elevator at the train station cause I wasn't feeling well. As we entered the lift, his ex barged in! Boyf looked at me and mouthed, "my ex!" I couldn't help but grinned.


There's such a long story behind the boyf and his ex and I shall not share it here. But the boyf has been rather 'scared' of bumping into her recently, cause of her 'death stare'. Now, it may sound funny, and I was initially amused when he told me. But the more I hear about her, the more I'm afraid of her too.


So you can imagine how nervous I was this morning!! We were in the same lift for a good 30 seconds! I was half excited about bumping into her cause I've been wanting to see how she looks like. But now that she's in front of me, I'm quite scared of her. All boyf's fault for telling me asking boyf to tell me about their story. Urgh.


And this afternoon I was scrolling through his contact list searching for YS's sister's number (why I was doing that could be a story for another day) when I came across his ex's mum's number. I don't know why I had this weird feeling. I don't know how to narrate it, so I'm just gonna put it across bluntly.


I suddenly thought about all the stuff that would be better if my mum was around. Like at least mummy could meet him. She could probably be nice to him. At least my boyf would feel like he 'belonged'?


I get so upset just thinking about it. Because his family treats me so nice, yet mine can't do likewise.


[edit]
Ok I'm feeling so much better now. After talking to sis Meh. And then chatting with bro and YS on msn for a while. Please let me be a happy me! Pretty pretty please!