It's at times like this that makes me realize who my true friends are. Thank you Peisi, Kathy, SisMeh & Kenny. You don't know how much you mean to me. Even though you were all busy when I called. Haha.
The past three days had been crazy. I cried more than I had in the last three years. It was terrible. My eyes were all puffy and swollen, I couldn't focus on anything I was doing. I was stupid, really. Why must it always be girls who feel this way?
Despite clearly knowing that things are not what I perceived they were, I still cannot help but feel the way I feel. I'm jealous, I'm insecure, I feel that I'm not as important to you.
Last night was the worst night, and I truly hope it won't happen again. Maybe I ought to occupy myself with more meaningful things. I guess I should stop living my life for you. Nobody knew how lonely I was; I felt like a child lost in the woods. I really missed my mum so much. For the 4 years that she left us, I've come to terms that I'll never see her again. And I accepted the fact and moved on. But last night... I really needed her so bad I could have killed myself.
I even wished that bro was in Singapore so I could talk to him, like pour out to him. He always has the best advices for me.
Thank goodness for Keeguan, who really saved my night. He talked so much sense into me that I feel I owe him so much. We haven't really been all that close, yet I felt so comfortable telling him everything. He analyzes the situation so carefully, I'm so amazed. And the best thing is he thinks like Dennis so he knows what's good and what's not. The amount of gratitude I have for him is immeasurable.
So anyway, yes I'm ok now. No more emo thoughts. It's funny how I always mock at emo people, thinking that they really should snap out of it. But here I am, emo thoughts haunting me. I'd never imagined myself to be at this stage. I've always felt / thought / knew that I was a strong warrior. I didn't even cry at my mother's funeral, how about that.
The past three days, I just haven't been myself. I know that. Perhaps I'm suffering from mild depression or something. Like I need to seek professional help soon. But I don't want it to be the case! I really really want my old cheerful happy self back. Like I said, I need to engage in more meaningful stuff.
I guess I need to stop thinking about / for my boyf all the time. It's insane. I need to learn. Look at the crazy amount of photos to be edited?! Look at all the backdated posts I haven't publish! Look at my half-neglected food blog! I need to get to 50 posts soon and reveal it! Look at ProjectD part 2! And perhaps part 3 and 4 and 5?! Look at my messy desk that needs tidying! Look at all the school work that needs to be completed!
Great! I just somehow listed out my to-do's. I should get to work now.
P/S. Sorry for making the people around me worry. Like Peisi, Kathy, SisMeh, Keeguan. And you, my love.